There was always from the moment I was born, this earnest wish to move back to Cyprus and leave behind England. It was firmly placed in our consciousness, first of all by the frequent visits we took to the island every summer and how delightful and carefree it always seemed to be. Secondly, it was always quite exciting and pleasant when relatives and friends would flock to see us. There would always be delicious food galore and desserts of mouthwatering variety and since I was slightly overweight as a teenager, the food and sweets were particularly enticing!
During the month of summer spent on the island, there would be visits to the beach, other towns where we would stay for the night and to the mountains for respite from the heat, eating souvlakia and freshly-fried 'loukoumades' or honeyballs as they are known elsewhere.
On returning to the cold, rainy and gloomy England as children, my sisters and I thought we were being punished. Soon, my father made the difficult and perhaps self-sacrificing decision, to move us to Cyprus. Initially it was exciting. In retrospect, I believe we were better off staying in England. Years later as a young adult I yearned with nostalgia for England, for the place that brought me comfort, for the people there, who were on my wavelength and I could understand, but family circumstances trapped us and we remained on an island I feel we didn't fully belong on. That was my perspective as a young adult.
The island of Cyprus to me now resembles and rose. It is this flower because of its beauty and subtle aroma but it also has thorns. I realised how this island has a tendency to injure not long after we moved here. Gone was the dreamy idea of an island in the Mediterranean when we were constantly on holiday and it was replaced by buildings which were an eyesore, buildings which seem to have escaped my notice before and there were also people who began to cause problems. There was an ugliness, a lack, an impoverishment.
What I had realised living here was the shadow of a looming division. I had been aware that the island was divided from a very young age and my childhood dream was to see this island unified and peaceful. Some visitors that came to Cyprus on holiday, especially the ones that visited before the borders opened, didn't fully comprehend that we were a divided island and under military occupation. This political problem infiltrates into society. There are serious underlining concerns that past and present governments have not really wholeheartedly addressed such as a general discontent and declining mental health, drug abuse and drug trafficking, domestic violence and child neglect and abuse, football violence and vandalism, dangerous driving and fatal collisions and problems with infrastructure. The list goes on and it is baffling that such a small island would have such serious problems.
If you asked a Cypriot on a rate of one to ten, how happy and satisfied they were, I would guess most would be somewhere in the middle, but nobody would give their lives a score of eight or ten! To a tourist, sitting on an idyllic beach in Protaras and swimming in our beautiful waters, our unhappiness would be difficult to understand, but cast their eye a little further down on the horizon and they would discern the distant, shadowy outline of deserted Famagusta and its derelict hotels with doors rusting on their hinges and concrete slowly crumbling into the sea. That is the tragedy. There is war and division on our doorsteps. The past and its problems have yet to be resolved.
So what is to be done? What can be done? We can't hide the fact that we remain a divided island, now for almost fifty years and the generational problems and trauma this has created. It is simply insupportable for future generations. I feel that unity and peace would benefit everyone and would heal the old wounds once and for all. Life would be sweeter and we would be happier. Eventhough it is difficult to envision right now, we Cypriots from both sides must persevere in moving towards a peaceful solution. It is possible if we keep believing it is, with faith, hope and conviction.
Perhaps I remain steadfastly on this island, despite at times feeling out of place, only because I look to the future of this island and how I hope that one day, it can become. As I write a Cypriot flag sits on my desk. It is cherished because of its history and significance. It is a flag that symbolises unity and peace. It is a start.
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